Intentions Are Right

One of the hardest things of dealing with the aftermath of a miscarriage is the emotions. The things people will say, the things people will not say. For some reason it is an emotional roller coaster one I'm still trying to figure out.

I've had sweet words said to me, sweet things done for me. Intentions are right but it's the grief that strikes the emotions in the wrong direction. The "how are you doing" question. Or the "are you guys going to try again". The intentions are right but the questions hurt. Sometimes I wonder if silence would be best, but in the end I know that wouldn't. 

I am very thankful for Elcie. I truly believe I would be having such a more difficult time right now if it wasn't for her. She reminds me I am a MOM. I am fortunate of that, and my heart breaks for women who don't have that title yet and are going through loss.

What has truly helped through this process beside Jesus and my sweet baby, is other moms that have miscarried. Don't get me wrong I never wanted to be apart of the miscarriage 'moms group' nor does anyone else, but it truly does create a bond in one another. You understand the anger in one another or the sadness. I have expressed hurt to those that have not been through this and I so appreciate the listening ear but its also hard because sometimes I am embarrassed to admit my anger. Anger over people announcing that they are pregnant. I have never been a jealous person so this bewilders me that I am upset when I see someone's announcement. Though I am excited for them I am also deeply hurt, and this is an emotion I am still trying to comprehend. 

One of the major things that strikes anger is listening to those complain about their pregnancies. I don't blame them because I was in their shoes a year ago, but now knowing how deep it hurts I will be quicker to think before I speak while pregnant. Before you complain about your weight your putting on... I would put that weight on just to carry a baby. Before you complain about your acne from pregnancy... I would take that acne any day just to hold my angel baby. The intentions are right but the words hurt.