Pregnancy After A Miscariage

I tend to be an open book to what I'm going through or what I've been through I always feel like maybe it can be helpful to someone else. There are moments in my life that I tend to be recluse out of the simple fact that if I bring it to light it's admitting to a fear or whatever I am dealing with. I do know though that I am not the only one that struggles with this or has struggled with this though.

Pregnancy after miscarriage is not easy. Plain and simple there is no other way I can describe it.

 It's not what I expected if I am being completely honest. With Elcie I had no fears my entire pregnancy I was certain that I would carry a healthy baby and that there was no reason to get caught up in the little things. Then I had my miscarriage with our second baby, and it took time to heal and move on. I honestly thought that whenever I became pregnant again (lord willing) that it would be easy just like Elcie's pregnancy. It has not been. I've been so caught up in all the worries, my stomach not seeming to grow as quickly as it did with Elcie. Pain in my stomach. Not nauseous for a couple days. Most importantly the latest heavy spotting, which yes is a reason to be concerned. I hate that when I go to see an ultra sound I am dead silent in fear waiting to hear a heart beat. This is not how I want to live though this pregnancy. 

When I experienced the spotting my heart sank, my fears and doubts came pouring in. If I'm being completely honest I was mad at God. I felt like I was unworthy or unable. But you know what friends God is good and he is not out to hurt me or you. Satan wants me to believe I am being punished or that I am unworthy which is the farthest from the truth. I am repeating this verse to myself constantly now "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 God is so good and he wants to see us delight in him and the plans he has set forth for us. Sometimes its hard to see the big picture or to remember that God is good. 

So with that all said today we go to see our little growing babe that was very rambunctious just like Elcie was! The ultrasound tech was having such a hard time getting pictures due to baby continuing to flip back and forth. It was amazing to me to watch this little babe at an 11 week ultrasound (I never had one that early with Elcie) and how the baby moved its hands and body seriously brought tears to my eyes. How can people not see the life in a child this small? To see how God has formed this little being inside me and to be able to see ten fingers and ten toes is jaw dropping. Lastly they were never able to figure out the cause of me bleeding so for now I am on "bed rest" for the rest of this week until I go back on Monday. If you could pray I would greatly appreciate that! My biggest prayer request is for my anxiety as there is no need for it. Thank you so much friends for taking the time to read and for praying.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb." Psalm 139:13