Angel Baby

There is no coincidences in Gods plans. When I open my bible and read and those verses help me through whatever, that is not coincidence. God knew and always knows when we need to see the hope in him. See his grace and his mercy. There is no coincidence.

I questioned about being open to the world about this but I know it's necessary for me to process and heal. I've learned a few things about myself this week. I am a comforter, I love being there for people and helping. I do not take comfort for myself well at all. I am stronger than I realized, but that's because of Christ. 

I am currently as I write this going through a miscarriage. I seriously would never wish this on my worst enemy. The pain physically and emotional is a roller coaster. 

We found out last week we were pregnant (to our surprise) we were ready for another baby so we were excited. Being through this before I couldn't wait. I love pregnancy, I love labor... That's an understatement I crave pregnancy and labor. I love being a mom. I couldn't/ can't wait to have more babies. So all in all the surprise of adding another baby was incredibly exciting! I always wondered how it would be when we would find out we were pregnant again. It wasn't any less exciting than finding out with Elcie. The dreams of what if it's a boy, or what's it going to be like Elcie being a big sister? 

I have been having worries about our pregnancy from the beginning. I thought maybe I was concerned because this baby was a surprise, and Elcie was completely planned. Maybe that's why I was having doubts? I truly believe as women we know our bodies. We know if something is wrong. I knew something was wrong. 

It really is a punch in the stomach when you get so excited and plan and everything is taken away in a moment. Don't get me wrong I know Gods hand is in all of this. I know God is giving me peace as I write this. But I know it's okay to mourn our baby. It really doesn't matter if you are 6 weeks pregnant or 8 months. You feel the pain of loss. I know this baby is in heaven and one day we will meet this sweet squishy baby. I also know God was preparing my heart for this loss. 

A week prior I felt lead to read Job. Let me tell Job has been helping me heal in many ways I have not been expecting. It's been helping me understand I truly don't know the BIG picture and Christ does. I know that my God is a good God and isn't doing this as a punishment. I know God will use this for the good. I know God will continue to give me peace and understanding. I know God loves me. 

Im so thankful for my lord. I seriously could not work through this and fully understand everything is going to be okay without God. 

“And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.”

Job 1:21-22